When I Grow Up...

When I was really young, I used to listen to the song "I Want to Be a Mother." Some of the lyrics are:

"When I grow up I want to be a mother
And have a family,
One little, two little, three little babies of my own.

Of all the jobs for me to choose I'll have no other
I'll have a family
Four little, five little, six little babies in my home.

And I will love them all day long
And give them cookies and milk and yellow balloons
And cuddle them when things go wrong
And read them stories and sing them pretty tunes.

When I grow up if I can be a mother
How happy I will be
One little, two little, three little babies I can love.

And you will say each sister and each brother
All look a lot like me
Four little, five little, six little blessings from above."

This was my favorite song!  I used to sing this over and over thinking about the day when I was able to be a mother.  Not only did I just sing about it, being a mother was all I ever wanted to do.  Even as I went to college, I wanted to pick a major that would help in my family, because I had no desire to work outside the home.  I wanted to be able to be with my children, playing games, reading stories, making treats, and have a clean house! I had no idea that motherhood would be anything but a wonderful enriching experience.

Fast forward many years, after college, after a mission and after having a hard time getting pregnant, and then carrying twins for 34 weeks.  Imagine 15 days of the NICU, before we finally had our family home together, and 2 months of sleepless days and nights because the babies needed to be fed at least every 3 hours to help them gain weight. (And I was pumping on a regular basis too!)  My sister who was in college came over for a visit, looked around at my load of laundry on the couch, dishes in the sink and a floor that needed vacuuming, and responded, "Wow!  Your house is a disaster!"  (Well I did just have 2 babies!  What do you expect?!)

That was one of my first "imperfect mom" moments.

I remember the first time I yelled at my twins.  I felt like I was horrible horrible mother.  They were probably about 1 1/2 - 2, and honestly looking back, it's amazing I made it that long, especially with so little sleep!

We did finally get into a routine, and yes I was able to get my house clean and keep it clean.  I was a pretty average first time mom.  I enjoyed all the firsts, I scrapbooked, we went to the park and the zoo, and they were my whole life.

Unfortunately that did not last.  Let me give you an idea of how this morning went.  I had to be out of the house shortly after all of my kids left for school.  So I foolishly put off taking a shower until everyone was up.  For some reason, I still think that a shower should be a relaxing 15 minutes by myself.  During my "15 minutes of relaxation" I had every single one of my kids come in asking for something.  Now, you should know, my husband had not left for work and was in the kitchen enjoying a quiet breakfast by himself.  Of course he was by himself, everyone was in the bathroom with me asking, "Where's my other shoe?"  "Where is my shirt?" "Can I use your bathroom?" (We do have three bathrooms, he just wanted to use the one I happened to be in.) Then I was asked, by my 3 year-old, "I pooped, can you wipe my bum?"  No I can't wipe your bum!  I'm in the shower.  Then when my 7-year old popped in, before he could ask anything, I promptly told him to go get his dad to wipe the poopy bum.  My husband came in, wiped the bum, and asked, "Why don't you just lock the door?"  Why didn't I think of that?  Oh wait, because when I do lock the door, there is pounding, "Mom are you in there?  How come the door is locked?"

That's a pretty average morning for me.  Sometimes it's crazier and sometimes I actually get a few minutes to myself.  Even as I sit and type this up, I'm being asked "Mom where is my belt?"

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just enduring motherhood, or if I'm actually enjoying it.  What happened to those blissful ideals of playing games, making treats and just having fun with my children?

I'll proudly admit I had one of those "ideal" moments this morning (yes it was before my shower). My sweet little daughter, who is always the first child awake, came in to the living room, as I was reading my scriptures, before 7 and just sat and cuddled with me.  Once I was finished, we went in the boys room, which for once, they were awake and talking in their beds, instead of me, coming in about 10 times, and repeating, "Boys, it's time to wake up...Boys I'm bringing in the spray bottle next time I come in your room.."  Then we all, just sat and cuddled and talked.  Yes we were behind today, but I still wouldn't trade it for anything.

It's moments like this that I cherish.  It's moments like this when I feel like I did as a little girl, that motherhood really is the only thing I want to do.  I may not have 6 little babies at home, but I am happy with my 3, and grateful I have the opportunity to be their mother, to spend time with them each day, to be able to be the person they run to for anything from a missing shoe, to a splinter in a foot, to a rough day at school.

One day I was having a hard getting my son to do his homework.  Finally I stopped, had him stand in front of me, and looked into his sweet innocent face.  I asked, "Sweetheart, how was school?  Did something happen today?"  My sweet little guy just started crying and said, "No one would play with me at recess."  I would have completely missed that if I had been too busy, and kept pushing him to do homework.  What would have been the end result?  We probably would have continued to struggle through homework, and he probably wouldn't have told me about the problems at school.  Instead, I had the chance to hold my son tight, wipe away his tears, and try and console him.  I told him how much I loved him, and how much he meant to me.

We live in a world of crazy! We run around from this activity to that activity.  We are part of this club and that organization.  We are involved in our churches, the PTA, family activities and personal hobbies.  Sometimes we forget to take just a few minutes to really listen to our children.  And to be quite honest, it usually only takes a few minutes.

I would perhaps challenge you, take a few minutes and revel in the fact that you are a mother.  Revel in the fact that your children most likely come to you rather than anyone else to tell you their good news, the sorrows, and to ask questions.  WE ARE SO LUCKY!  We have the greatest opportunity to shape the life of someone.  We have the greatest opportunity to have these beautiful little people to look at us as if we are the greatest celebrity in the world.  I love that when I leave to go somewhere, my children all have to give me a hug and a kiss and say goodbye.  Where would I be without them?