My Twinners

I was recently invited to a "Mormon Moms of Multiples" Facebook group.  I'm addicted.  I love this group.  It's so much fun for me to read about moms of multiples, their struggles, about their families, their strengths, etc.  The ages of their multiples range from teenagers, to "I just found out I'm pregnant with twins".  It's a place people can ask for advice on multiples, or can just relate to one another.  I would have loved to have had a group like this when my twinners were babies.  I'm not as stressed out with having twins as I once was, but it's still a lot of fun.  I have constantly been reminded of the experiences I had when my twins were babies.  Which takes me down memory lane for a few minutes.

Going to the grocery store for a mom of multiples is so different than a mom of a singleton.  I know this, because I've done both!  When my twins were babies, and I would go to the grocery store, I would obviously have two carseats, and everyone would stop me.  They would ask me all kinds of questions, "Are they boys/girls? (Even though one was obviously in blue and the other in pink with a bow)  Are they identical?  (How do you explain that a boy and a girl cannot be identical to a perfect stranger after they insist they knew identical boy/girl twins growing up?)  Do twins run in your family? (In other words did you need infertility?)

 Then they will tell you all about every set twins they know, including their mother's, brother's daughter's cousins stepkids uncle...  They also proceed to tell you how luck you are to have twins (now while this is partly true, when you are going on very little sleep, and may not have had a shower in a couple of days, nor have had any personal space or time for a couple of months, you might wonder if any of this is true!)  Remember you are stopped multiple times by multiple people, and have this same conversation in the short amount of time you have, during feedings or nap time when there is a calm. So instead of being able to get all of your grocery shopping done, which you had a great ambition to do, you only are able to pick up one or two things. So you start to wonder if going to the store is even worth it.

However, now it's not so bad, I just end up chasing my kids.  No one stops me any more asking me if my kids are twins, no one thinks they are.  Maybe that's because I learned not to make eye contact, or because now it's really obvious that my boy is a boy and my girl is a girl. Who knows.  But I do kind of miss that.

I do miss the time I spent waking up in the middle of the night feeding my babies.  Whoa!  Did I really just say that?  I guess I did.  Those night time feedings are actually kind of special.  The house is quiet, and it's just you and your babies.  I was able to nurse mine, and so consequently, I HAD to get up with them.  I had a lot of time to think.  I was able to spend a lot of time with just them and me.  There are lots of cuddles and memories that are made even in the middle of the night.

I've also had the opportunity to stay home with my kiddos.  It's not always peace and fun at our house, but I get to be the one who wipes tears away.  I'm the one who kisses scrapes and cuts better.  I'm the one who gets to see them when they first come home from school and have some good news.

Overall, I feel so blessed to have the opportunities I've had.  They haven't always been easy.  Sometimes it's been all I could do just to make it through a day, but looking back, especially on some of those early twin days, I wouldn't trade them for the world!  It's what makes me love my little people more and more each day.

More Love and Kindness

Last  night was probably one of the best Family Home Evenings we've ever had.  At least for me.  Just in case any one is reading this that doesn't know what Family Home Evening is (that makes the assumption that anyone reads this to begin with), I'll explain.  In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, every Monday night is reserved for the family.  Church meetings are not scheduled, and we as family try to keep the evening free from other activities so that we can spend it together, usually talking about the Gospel of Jesus Christ (very brief explanation).

Anyway, last night, we invited a young man from our ward to give us a lesson.  Actually the lesson was really to be directed to our children.  He talked to them about showing love to their mom and dad.  He talked about different ways that our kids could show us love.  Ironically enough, their response every time was "clean my room" or "give hugs and kisses."  I kept waiting for someone to say "not fight" or "not tease my sister/brother" but unfortunately I didn't hear a thing.

At the end of the lesson, this sweet young man, gave each of my children a jar, and gave me a bag of cotton balls.  Each time my children show love to someone in our family, they can put a cotton ball in their jar.  If they aren't very kind, I can take one out.  At the end of the week, if the jars are full of cotton balls, they can tell this young man what their favorite candy bar is and he will bring it to them.  Needless to say the jars/cotton balls have been great motivators!

Now for the ME part.  Today I realized how much I needed this lesson too.  Am I treating my family with as much love as I should be?  This morning I was saying something kind of harsh to one of my kids.  My husband called me on it, and when I spit out the excuse, "That's how you talk to them," he paused.  When I realized what I had said, I realized we along with our children had a lot of work to do.  Maybe part of the reason our children weren't being as kind was because we weren't being as kind as we should be.  Who picked it up from who?  I'm not sure, but I knew who needed to change first, ME!

So today, I've really tried hard.  Yes, my day isn't over yet, and I probably need my own jar of cotton balls, but at least I've recognized the problem.  Maybe now, we'll be able to have more peace and love in our home.  I'll let you know how we do.

Just Listen

Sometimes I forget to listen to my kids.  I'm so busy most of the time telling them what to do, or reminding them of what they need to do, or correcting them, that sometimes I forget to just listen to them.  I had a great experience tonight in which I was able to do just that.

We had gone to dinner at my parents' house.  My sister is in town with her little girls and so my kids were having a great time playing with their cousins they don't get to see very often.  Finally everything had settled down and it was time to eat.  We had prayed, and I had even fixed plates for two of my three kids.  Wondering where my third child was, I wondered to the back of the house looking for him.

Greg was hiding in my parents' TV room, with the lights off, a lantern in hand, and was crying.  I thought my husband had recently had some words with him, so I knew there was something going on, and I didn't want to undermine what he had done, so I gently tried talking with my son.  I asked him if he wanted to come out and have some dinner.  He refused at first, and I asked him what was going on.  He didn't want to tell me, so I obviously knew he was up to something.

Finally after promising that I wouldn't be angry or mad he told me what he had done.  I asked him if he was hungry, which he answered affirmatively.  I advised him that maybe WE could go and apologize to his sister and his cousin, and then we could have some dinner.  He agreed and we finished the evening without any further events.

My thought process tonight is really on the fact that I just happened to listen.  Sometimes I'm so impatient, and I just want my kids to hurry and take care of things, that I miss the big picture.  My sweet son was in a room crying by himself because he felt bad about something he had done.  I don't think the girls had even given it a second thought.  Because I chose to listen to him, we were able to resolve the matter calmly and quickly.  Had I not chosen to listen to him, there were a lot of things that could have turned out differently, particularly how he viewed himself.

Sometimes, most of the time, we just need to sit down and listen to our children so that they understand how much we value them.  If we don't listen when they are little, why would we start when they are older?  Now is the time.  Now is the time to spend time with them, to do fun things, things they think are fun, that we may not necessarily think are fun.  We all need to be a little bit better at listening and spending time with out children.