Patience

With the holiday weekend, I have been a bit preoccupied.  Perfect isn't it?  My whole goal is to spend more time with my family, and I have just spent four days with them?  I think so.  Just to a note, we had a really great holiday.  I was able to focus more on my little family and have a really good time with them than I have in a while.

Today in Relief Society, that is the meeting the women in our church attend, a lesson was given on patience.  One woman made a comment that one area in life we learn patience is with our children.  What a true statement!  I have never had to practice more patience than with my own family!

As a stay-at-home mom sometimes my day is somewhat monotonous, and it is really easy for me to lose my temper when my little children do not obey the 6th or 7th times I have asked them to do something, usually something like pick up their rooms or the play room.  Is it really too much to ask to for a clean house?

I was reminded of a better perspective last night.  My sister-in-law was visiting and was telling us about helping out my other sister-in-law.  She said instead of yelling at the kids to do what you wanted, to get their attention and then tell them what you wanted.  That's what she had done all week as she watched my nephews.

My visiting sister-in-law is no longer "in the trenches."  Her daughter is 17.  However she was right.  Instead of yelling at my kids over and over which seems easier to do, sometimes we just need to take the time, to get down on our kids' levels, make eye contact with them, and tell them, without yelling.

So I tried this today, and guess what!?  It worked!  How had I forgotten this?  I still had to ask a couple of times, but not 6 or 7!  Isn't it easier to take the time to ask the right way, possible once or twice, instead of yelling 6 or 7 times and going hoarse in the process?

Another thing I learned this weekend that really had nothing to do with patience but reminded me of how precious my children are was an experience we had on Friday.  My husband had gone over to some friends' of ours to work on our boat, because their son was helping him out.  I had taken our kids over for a little while, and when it was time to go, we couldn't find one of our 6 year olds.  We looked everywhere on our friends' property.  They looked in the house, and I started driving down the street wondering if he had started walking home.

Then we found him.  My husband was mad for making us look for him, but I was relieved!  I didn't know where he was or what had happened to him.  I was so grateful we had found him.  I didn't care that he was hiding because he wanted to stay!  I was just so grateful that he was safe!  That is what love is.  That is what patience is.

The Women of God

There are so many good articles at the reach of my fingertips, I could literally spend hours and hours reading one article to another, and never even make a dent in all that is out there.  I could read tips on potty training, tips on how to teach my children to clean their rooms, or how to read, how to stop yelling or to stop the fighting in my home.  This list just goes on and on.

However, I am consistently pulled back to talks from leaders of my church.  Today's talk was from Elder Neal A. Maxwell, and was given in 1978!  I know this was before I was born!  Before my parents were even married!  So why would this talk be pertinent to me today?  Well, this quote should tell it all:

"When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies?  The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods?  Will what happened in cradles and kitchens proved to be more controlling that what happened in congresses?  When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time.  The women of God know this."

Like many women, I quit my job when my children were born, to stay home and raise them.  I have not regretted this decision once.  Does that mean my days have all been blissful, happy days filled with lullabies, and precious moments?  Absolutely not!  I have had my share of days where I was ready for a "do-over" by noon.

But I've also had those days when we get to snuggle and read stories, or watch a movie.  Days when we make cookies or go for hikes.  Days when they ask questions, or tell me stories.

A friend of mine was recently sharing her frustrations with her teenage son.  She went on for a few minutes and then she said, "But then, he melted my heart when he...." And that is what it is.  Those little turkeys can drive us to our wits end, but then they will say or do one little thing, and melt our heart, and we are reminded why we wake up every morning excited to spend our days with our little people again and again.

"Because She Is a Mother"

One of my all time favorite talks from General Conference (a great big huge gathering of our church in which the leaders of our church speak to the world) is a talk given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Because She Is a Mother".  This is my talk/article I chose to focus on today.

Elder Holland begins his talk with some lines from Victor Hugo, and I too am going to quote them:

"She broke the bread into two fragments and gave them to her children, who ate with eagerness.  'She hath kept none for herself,' grumbled the sergeant.

"'Because she is not hungry,' said a soldier.

'"No,' said the sergeant, 'because she is a mother.'"

This is how I am feeling today.  Not hungry because I do not have any food to eat.  Quite the opposite, actually.  We've just had dinner, and my little chilies are all in bed.  I can hear the boys still playing, even though I wish they were trying to quietly sleep.

No, I feel this way today, because I tried to give them everything I could, and tonight I feel that there is nothing left.  And this is only Day One of my challenge!

Something to remember, Elder Holland shares a quote from a letter from a sister, to whom I will forever be grateful.  She writes to Elder Holland regarding "the one thing that keeps her going": "Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God's work.  I know that in my motherhood I am in an eternal partnership with Him.  I am deeply moved that God finds His ultimate purpose and meaning in being a parent even if some of His children make Him weep."

Today, even though I have nothing left to give, I was doing God's work.  That's what I need to remember.  That's what each of us need to remember.  As we sit down at the end of the day, hopefully to a quiet house (although that seems to rarely happen) and look at the dinner dishes on the table, and the laundry sitting on the couch waiting to the folded, we remember what we spent our time doing.

Do I want my children to remember me doing the dishes all the time? Or folding the laundry as they run around me?  Do I want them to remember me barking at them to get homework done or to practice the piano (although these are probably ones they will remember for sure)?

No!  I really want them to remember us hiking together.  I want them to remember us swimming in the summer at the pool.  I want them to remember us visiting the zoo, or the farm.  Playing at the park, or playing a game on a rainy afternoon.  I want them to remember us reading stories together, and reading the scriptures together.

In closing tonight, I just want to end with something Elder Holland says, "If you will show others, including your children, the same caring, compassionate, forgiving heart you want heaven to show you; if you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do."