It's Snowing

Not only is it snowing, it's also 5 am.  I just put my precious little asthmatic son back to bed, after waking up, needing his inhaler to help with his cold, and sitting and cuddled hithe snow falling down for the last hour with him.  Did I want to wake up at 4 am this morning?  Absolutely not!  After getting up with him originally, did I hope that he would go right back to sleep?  Absolutely!  When I realized that he was awake (he is my child that wakes up and then thinks it's time to get up, regardless of the time, sometimes 4 am, sometimes 9 am!) was I enthusiastic about getting up, knowing my alarm would be going off an hour and half later?  Absolutely!  I knew that it had snowed during the night, and that it's rare that I have these quiet moments with him.  I took him out into our living room, and opened the blinds.  As I went back to get my pillow to lay on the couch with him, he helpfully, turned the lights on and yelled "It's snowing!"  (We're up, we might as well wake the whole house up!)  I turned the light off, cuddled him in my arms, and sat with him, watching the snow fall, until he fell asleep.

How often do I do this?  Not nearly as regularly as I should.  I'm ashamed to say, that I usually try to hurry through everything, that I don't focus on the "snow" as much as I should.  Even this morning, after awhile, I started checking my email and Facebook.  Lucky for me, Little Mr. was almost asleep.
However, while on Facebook this morning, I read a post that got me thinking.  This woman was struggling with her relationship with God since becoming a mother, and was looking for advice and suggestions.

All of a sudden I was reminded, as I sat in my dark living room, watching the snow, holding my youngest child that being a mother has brought me closer to God, than even I knew.  I have never felt such Christlike love for any other person as I do towards my children.  My love for them just comes without even thinking about it.  Even when they are acting naughty, and driving me crazy, I still love and adore them.  I have this overwhelming desire to want to know and be a part of their life.

Isn't that how our Heavenly Father is?  Doesn't He want to know and be a part of my life or your life?  He won't force us to include him, like I might with my children (I'm not perfect yet!), but we have to make an effort.  We have to be the ones who go to Him in prayer, who study about the life of His Son, Jesus Christ, who give service willingly.

Being a mother has taught me more about the love of our Heavenly Father than anything else I have ever done.  Feeling that love from Him has also made me a better mom, because let's face it, without it, I'm short-tempered, and can be fairly selfish.  It's an interesting cycle.  I can't have one without the other.  Which is what reminds me to sit with my not-really-a-baby-but-will-always-be-to-me little guy and watch the snow in the early hours of the morning, because it won't always be snowing.

Try Again....

In my head I come up with great ideas to post on a regular basis.  I could tell a funny story about my youngest and his most recent adventures of almost being hit by a car in the church parking lot, or how I grew in leaps and bounds when my twins were babies and offer encouraging support to those in the same shoes.  But truth be told, I sit down to write something that would help someone else, and all of a sudden, I have writers block, and my mind is EMPTY.

Then tonight, I was sitting down, taking a break and picked up one of my favorite books, "Bedtime and Naptime.." by Hilary Weeks.  I read the first few pages, and started questioning why I even wanted to write a blog (long-time goal, slow in achieving).  I find myself funny, but it's not always reciprocated by others, I don't feel like I'm a young mother (because in my book that either means you're under 30 or still have a baby, but if you have a 10+ year old, and you fit those two criteria, you're not a young mother, because let's face it, you have experience!), and sometimes I mean most of the time wonder if I even know what I'm doing.  How can I share anything of worth to anyone else?

It's been one of those days....can you tell?

I did realize that it's like teaching a lesson in Sunday School or Relief Society.  You spend hours pouring over material, and then you get up to teach a 25 minute lesson, and who really gets the most out of your lesson?  In most cases, it will be you.  So here's to my year of learning how to be a better mom this year!  I keep reminding myself that I was sent the specific children I was sent for a reason.  Heavenly Father knew that I needed them, and they needed me.  I love those little people will all of my being, but some days, I just feel worn out, and sucked dry.  So I hope that I can be if nothing else, a little better mom, kinder, more patient, a better listener, and a little more easy going.