A Time to Laugh

Tonight started out like almost every other night.  Come home from school, homework, homework, homework.  Unfinished chores from the morning next.  Now it's dinner time.  Hurry and get it on the table, and then everyone eat...QUICK!  We still have Family Night tonight.
Dishes were done, and I just felt beat from the day, well really just from about 3:30 on...We finally sit down to have a peaceful few minutes, and what do you know, my 4 year old is being difficult, and refuses to do anything we ask.

My sweet husband says, "I think it's time to pull out the 'tickle fingers.'"  The "tickle fingers" are these adorable blue mitts.  I'm sure you've seen them, they came with the "Tickle Monster" book, in this cute little box, and we pull them out when life just gets too serious or to difficult.

My husband took the gloves, and chased our screaming kids around the house, catching them and tickling the screams out of them!  Then we all settled down and read the book, which means the screaming and wriggling around continued (you can't just read the books....you have to tickle throughout the reading to make it more fun!).

Finally we were kind of able to settle down, and wanted to share a spiritual thought with them.  I went to my bible and looked up "laugh".  I a scripture that used to be one of my favorites, Ecclesiastes 3:4, "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance."

Wait, I'm supposed to have times to laugh?  God wants me to laugh?  You mean throughout this mothering thing I'm still trying to figure out, I'm supposed to laugh?  And not just laugh, but dance too?

Suddenly I was reminding myself that amongst all the things that I have to get done, I might be missing the most important parts.  Yes homework is important (that's what I'm supposed to say, but I could completely live without it!), dinner does need to be made (tonight it was hot dogs and chips and salsa), and unfortunately, and laundry does need to be washed (otherwise... well, you get the idea).

But what do I want to remember in 20 years?  What do I want my kids to remember in 20 years?  I want them to remember that we laughed, that we tickled, that we had fun together.  I want them to remember how much I loved them, and that cleaning house, or pursuing my own interests only came second to them, because they were and continue to be my entire life!

It's Snowing

Not only is it snowing, it's also 5 am.  I just put my precious little asthmatic son back to bed, after waking up, needing his inhaler to help with his cold, and sitting and cuddled hithe snow falling down for the last hour with him.  Did I want to wake up at 4 am this morning?  Absolutely not!  After getting up with him originally, did I hope that he would go right back to sleep?  Absolutely!  When I realized that he was awake (he is my child that wakes up and then thinks it's time to get up, regardless of the time, sometimes 4 am, sometimes 9 am!) was I enthusiastic about getting up, knowing my alarm would be going off an hour and half later?  Absolutely!  I knew that it had snowed during the night, and that it's rare that I have these quiet moments with him.  I took him out into our living room, and opened the blinds.  As I went back to get my pillow to lay on the couch with him, he helpfully, turned the lights on and yelled "It's snowing!"  (We're up, we might as well wake the whole house up!)  I turned the light off, cuddled him in my arms, and sat with him, watching the snow fall, until he fell asleep.

How often do I do this?  Not nearly as regularly as I should.  I'm ashamed to say, that I usually try to hurry through everything, that I don't focus on the "snow" as much as I should.  Even this morning, after awhile, I started checking my email and Facebook.  Lucky for me, Little Mr. was almost asleep.
However, while on Facebook this morning, I read a post that got me thinking.  This woman was struggling with her relationship with God since becoming a mother, and was looking for advice and suggestions.

All of a sudden I was reminded, as I sat in my dark living room, watching the snow, holding my youngest child that being a mother has brought me closer to God, than even I knew.  I have never felt such Christlike love for any other person as I do towards my children.  My love for them just comes without even thinking about it.  Even when they are acting naughty, and driving me crazy, I still love and adore them.  I have this overwhelming desire to want to know and be a part of their life.

Isn't that how our Heavenly Father is?  Doesn't He want to know and be a part of my life or your life?  He won't force us to include him, like I might with my children (I'm not perfect yet!), but we have to make an effort.  We have to be the ones who go to Him in prayer, who study about the life of His Son, Jesus Christ, who give service willingly.

Being a mother has taught me more about the love of our Heavenly Father than anything else I have ever done.  Feeling that love from Him has also made me a better mom, because let's face it, without it, I'm short-tempered, and can be fairly selfish.  It's an interesting cycle.  I can't have one without the other.  Which is what reminds me to sit with my not-really-a-baby-but-will-always-be-to-me little guy and watch the snow in the early hours of the morning, because it won't always be snowing.

Try Again....

In my head I come up with great ideas to post on a regular basis.  I could tell a funny story about my youngest and his most recent adventures of almost being hit by a car in the church parking lot, or how I grew in leaps and bounds when my twins were babies and offer encouraging support to those in the same shoes.  But truth be told, I sit down to write something that would help someone else, and all of a sudden, I have writers block, and my mind is EMPTY.

Then tonight, I was sitting down, taking a break and picked up one of my favorite books, "Bedtime and Naptime.." by Hilary Weeks.  I read the first few pages, and started questioning why I even wanted to write a blog (long-time goal, slow in achieving).  I find myself funny, but it's not always reciprocated by others, I don't feel like I'm a young mother (because in my book that either means you're under 30 or still have a baby, but if you have a 10+ year old, and you fit those two criteria, you're not a young mother, because let's face it, you have experience!), and sometimes I mean most of the time wonder if I even know what I'm doing.  How can I share anything of worth to anyone else?

It's been one of those days....can you tell?

I did realize that it's like teaching a lesson in Sunday School or Relief Society.  You spend hours pouring over material, and then you get up to teach a 25 minute lesson, and who really gets the most out of your lesson?  In most cases, it will be you.  So here's to my year of learning how to be a better mom this year!  I keep reminding myself that I was sent the specific children I was sent for a reason.  Heavenly Father knew that I needed them, and they needed me.  I love those little people will all of my being, but some days, I just feel worn out, and sucked dry.  So I hope that I can be if nothing else, a little better mom, kinder, more patient, a better listener, and a little more easy going.

When I Grow Up...

When I was really young, I used to listen to the song "I Want to Be a Mother." Some of the lyrics are:

"When I grow up I want to be a mother
And have a family,
One little, two little, three little babies of my own.

Of all the jobs for me to choose I'll have no other
I'll have a family
Four little, five little, six little babies in my home.

And I will love them all day long
And give them cookies and milk and yellow balloons
And cuddle them when things go wrong
And read them stories and sing them pretty tunes.

When I grow up if I can be a mother
How happy I will be
One little, two little, three little babies I can love.

And you will say each sister and each brother
All look a lot like me
Four little, five little, six little blessings from above."

This was my favorite song!  I used to sing this over and over thinking about the day when I was able to be a mother.  Not only did I just sing about it, being a mother was all I ever wanted to do.  Even as I went to college, I wanted to pick a major that would help in my family, because I had no desire to work outside the home.  I wanted to be able to be with my children, playing games, reading stories, making treats, and have a clean house! I had no idea that motherhood would be anything but a wonderful enriching experience.

Fast forward many years, after college, after a mission and after having a hard time getting pregnant, and then carrying twins for 34 weeks.  Imagine 15 days of the NICU, before we finally had our family home together, and 2 months of sleepless days and nights because the babies needed to be fed at least every 3 hours to help them gain weight. (And I was pumping on a regular basis too!)  My sister who was in college came over for a visit, looked around at my load of laundry on the couch, dishes in the sink and a floor that needed vacuuming, and responded, "Wow!  Your house is a disaster!"  (Well I did just have 2 babies!  What do you expect?!)

That was one of my first "imperfect mom" moments.

I remember the first time I yelled at my twins.  I felt like I was horrible horrible mother.  They were probably about 1 1/2 - 2, and honestly looking back, it's amazing I made it that long, especially with so little sleep!

We did finally get into a routine, and yes I was able to get my house clean and keep it clean.  I was a pretty average first time mom.  I enjoyed all the firsts, I scrapbooked, we went to the park and the zoo, and they were my whole life.

Unfortunately that did not last.  Let me give you an idea of how this morning went.  I had to be out of the house shortly after all of my kids left for school.  So I foolishly put off taking a shower until everyone was up.  For some reason, I still think that a shower should be a relaxing 15 minutes by myself.  During my "15 minutes of relaxation" I had every single one of my kids come in asking for something.  Now, you should know, my husband had not left for work and was in the kitchen enjoying a quiet breakfast by himself.  Of course he was by himself, everyone was in the bathroom with me asking, "Where's my other shoe?"  "Where is my shirt?" "Can I use your bathroom?" (We do have three bathrooms, he just wanted to use the one I happened to be in.) Then I was asked, by my 3 year-old, "I pooped, can you wipe my bum?"  No I can't wipe your bum!  I'm in the shower.  Then when my 7-year old popped in, before he could ask anything, I promptly told him to go get his dad to wipe the poopy bum.  My husband came in, wiped the bum, and asked, "Why don't you just lock the door?"  Why didn't I think of that?  Oh wait, because when I do lock the door, there is pounding, "Mom are you in there?  How come the door is locked?"

That's a pretty average morning for me.  Sometimes it's crazier and sometimes I actually get a few minutes to myself.  Even as I sit and type this up, I'm being asked "Mom where is my belt?"

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just enduring motherhood, or if I'm actually enjoying it.  What happened to those blissful ideals of playing games, making treats and just having fun with my children?

I'll proudly admit I had one of those "ideal" moments this morning (yes it was before my shower). My sweet little daughter, who is always the first child awake, came in to the living room, as I was reading my scriptures, before 7 and just sat and cuddled with me.  Once I was finished, we went in the boys room, which for once, they were awake and talking in their beds, instead of me, coming in about 10 times, and repeating, "Boys, it's time to wake up...Boys I'm bringing in the spray bottle next time I come in your room.."  Then we all, just sat and cuddled and talked.  Yes we were behind today, but I still wouldn't trade it for anything.

It's moments like this that I cherish.  It's moments like this when I feel like I did as a little girl, that motherhood really is the only thing I want to do.  I may not have 6 little babies at home, but I am happy with my 3, and grateful I have the opportunity to be their mother, to spend time with them each day, to be able to be the person they run to for anything from a missing shoe, to a splinter in a foot, to a rough day at school.

One day I was having a hard getting my son to do his homework.  Finally I stopped, had him stand in front of me, and looked into his sweet innocent face.  I asked, "Sweetheart, how was school?  Did something happen today?"  My sweet little guy just started crying and said, "No one would play with me at recess."  I would have completely missed that if I had been too busy, and kept pushing him to do homework.  What would have been the end result?  We probably would have continued to struggle through homework, and he probably wouldn't have told me about the problems at school.  Instead, I had the chance to hold my son tight, wipe away his tears, and try and console him.  I told him how much I loved him, and how much he meant to me.

We live in a world of crazy! We run around from this activity to that activity.  We are part of this club and that organization.  We are involved in our churches, the PTA, family activities and personal hobbies.  Sometimes we forget to take just a few minutes to really listen to our children.  And to be quite honest, it usually only takes a few minutes.

I would perhaps challenge you, take a few minutes and revel in the fact that you are a mother.  Revel in the fact that your children most likely come to you rather than anyone else to tell you their good news, the sorrows, and to ask questions.  WE ARE SO LUCKY!  We have the greatest opportunity to shape the life of someone.  We have the greatest opportunity to have these beautiful little people to look at us as if we are the greatest celebrity in the world.  I love that when I leave to go somewhere, my children all have to give me a hug and a kiss and say goodbye.  Where would I be without them?

Balance

I know I'm not the only one who has become so involved with a project I forget everything else. Sometimes that project is being a mom.  Especially when you have little ones.

I recently found myself in a bit of a rut.  I was frustrated because I didn't have any time for me.  I felt that I was running every which way for my kids, my husband, my calling, the PTO, my husband's calling, and other miscellaneous jobs that needed doing.  I kept thinking I would find time for myself later, but that time just didn't appear.

Pretty soon, I found that I was going crazy!  Even though I had the mentality that if I did more for others, I would feel better.  Unfortunately, it doesn't always work that way.  I had a very wise person give me some great advice.  She said, "When your bucket is empty, you can't give anyone any drops out of it."

Previously, I was thinking that if I did anything for myself I was being selfish, however once I looked at it like a bucket, I realized that I had to do things for myself in order to be capable of doing things for others.

I spent a whole week doing things for myself.  Don't get me wrong, I still took care of my family and other necessary responsibilities, but for the first time, probably since I became a mother, I put some of my needs first, and guess what!?  My kids survived.  I don't recommend doing this on a regular basis, but in emergency it's definitely called for.

I realized that taking time for yourself is like the oxygen mask in an airplane.  In case of an emergency, you are first to put your own mask on, and then help those next to you.  Sometimes, we need to take time for ourselves so that we are able to help others.

I think about the people that rely on me most, my three beautiful children, and my husband.  What would they do if one day I became completely incapacitated and unable to take care of them?  Honestly, my amazing husband would probably figure something out and make it work so that he could be both mom and dad.  However, I'm going down kicking and screaming before I let that happen.  Which means, I'm taking time for me.  Maybe that means I go back to bed after my youngest goes to preschool, or I get a pedicure, or I take a bubble bath, or read a book.  Maybe that means I turn on a movie for my kids so that I can do this for me.  If not, what kind of a mom am I if I'm completely burnt out?

I think one of the hardest things we have to learn in life is balance.  Too much of one thing is never a good thing.  Too much of too many things is also never a good thing.  We just have to learn how decide what's important and balance our time accordingly.

My Twinners

I was recently invited to a "Mormon Moms of Multiples" Facebook group.  I'm addicted.  I love this group.  It's so much fun for me to read about moms of multiples, their struggles, about their families, their strengths, etc.  The ages of their multiples range from teenagers, to "I just found out I'm pregnant with twins".  It's a place people can ask for advice on multiples, or can just relate to one another.  I would have loved to have had a group like this when my twinners were babies.  I'm not as stressed out with having twins as I once was, but it's still a lot of fun.  I have constantly been reminded of the experiences I had when my twins were babies.  Which takes me down memory lane for a few minutes.

Going to the grocery store for a mom of multiples is so different than a mom of a singleton.  I know this, because I've done both!  When my twins were babies, and I would go to the grocery store, I would obviously have two carseats, and everyone would stop me.  They would ask me all kinds of questions, "Are they boys/girls? (Even though one was obviously in blue and the other in pink with a bow)  Are they identical?  (How do you explain that a boy and a girl cannot be identical to a perfect stranger after they insist they knew identical boy/girl twins growing up?)  Do twins run in your family? (In other words did you need infertility?)

 Then they will tell you all about every set twins they know, including their mother's, brother's daughter's cousins stepkids uncle...  They also proceed to tell you how luck you are to have twins (now while this is partly true, when you are going on very little sleep, and may not have had a shower in a couple of days, nor have had any personal space or time for a couple of months, you might wonder if any of this is true!)  Remember you are stopped multiple times by multiple people, and have this same conversation in the short amount of time you have, during feedings or nap time when there is a calm. So instead of being able to get all of your grocery shopping done, which you had a great ambition to do, you only are able to pick up one or two things. So you start to wonder if going to the store is even worth it.

However, now it's not so bad, I just end up chasing my kids.  No one stops me any more asking me if my kids are twins, no one thinks they are.  Maybe that's because I learned not to make eye contact, or because now it's really obvious that my boy is a boy and my girl is a girl. Who knows.  But I do kind of miss that.

I do miss the time I spent waking up in the middle of the night feeding my babies.  Whoa!  Did I really just say that?  I guess I did.  Those night time feedings are actually kind of special.  The house is quiet, and it's just you and your babies.  I was able to nurse mine, and so consequently, I HAD to get up with them.  I had a lot of time to think.  I was able to spend a lot of time with just them and me.  There are lots of cuddles and memories that are made even in the middle of the night.

I've also had the opportunity to stay home with my kiddos.  It's not always peace and fun at our house, but I get to be the one who wipes tears away.  I'm the one who kisses scrapes and cuts better.  I'm the one who gets to see them when they first come home from school and have some good news.

Overall, I feel so blessed to have the opportunities I've had.  They haven't always been easy.  Sometimes it's been all I could do just to make it through a day, but looking back, especially on some of those early twin days, I wouldn't trade them for the world!  It's what makes me love my little people more and more each day.

More Love and Kindness

Last  night was probably one of the best Family Home Evenings we've ever had.  At least for me.  Just in case any one is reading this that doesn't know what Family Home Evening is (that makes the assumption that anyone reads this to begin with), I'll explain.  In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, every Monday night is reserved for the family.  Church meetings are not scheduled, and we as family try to keep the evening free from other activities so that we can spend it together, usually talking about the Gospel of Jesus Christ (very brief explanation).

Anyway, last night, we invited a young man from our ward to give us a lesson.  Actually the lesson was really to be directed to our children.  He talked to them about showing love to their mom and dad.  He talked about different ways that our kids could show us love.  Ironically enough, their response every time was "clean my room" or "give hugs and kisses."  I kept waiting for someone to say "not fight" or "not tease my sister/brother" but unfortunately I didn't hear a thing.

At the end of the lesson, this sweet young man, gave each of my children a jar, and gave me a bag of cotton balls.  Each time my children show love to someone in our family, they can put a cotton ball in their jar.  If they aren't very kind, I can take one out.  At the end of the week, if the jars are full of cotton balls, they can tell this young man what their favorite candy bar is and he will bring it to them.  Needless to say the jars/cotton balls have been great motivators!

Now for the ME part.  Today I realized how much I needed this lesson too.  Am I treating my family with as much love as I should be?  This morning I was saying something kind of harsh to one of my kids.  My husband called me on it, and when I spit out the excuse, "That's how you talk to them," he paused.  When I realized what I had said, I realized we along with our children had a lot of work to do.  Maybe part of the reason our children weren't being as kind was because we weren't being as kind as we should be.  Who picked it up from who?  I'm not sure, but I knew who needed to change first, ME!

So today, I've really tried hard.  Yes, my day isn't over yet, and I probably need my own jar of cotton balls, but at least I've recognized the problem.  Maybe now, we'll be able to have more peace and love in our home.  I'll let you know how we do.