When I Grow Up...

When I was really young, I used to listen to the song "I Want to Be a Mother." Some of the lyrics are:

"When I grow up I want to be a mother
And have a family,
One little, two little, three little babies of my own.

Of all the jobs for me to choose I'll have no other
I'll have a family
Four little, five little, six little babies in my home.

And I will love them all day long
And give them cookies and milk and yellow balloons
And cuddle them when things go wrong
And read them stories and sing them pretty tunes.

When I grow up if I can be a mother
How happy I will be
One little, two little, three little babies I can love.

And you will say each sister and each brother
All look a lot like me
Four little, five little, six little blessings from above."

This was my favorite song!  I used to sing this over and over thinking about the day when I was able to be a mother.  Not only did I just sing about it, being a mother was all I ever wanted to do.  Even as I went to college, I wanted to pick a major that would help in my family, because I had no desire to work outside the home.  I wanted to be able to be with my children, playing games, reading stories, making treats, and have a clean house! I had no idea that motherhood would be anything but a wonderful enriching experience.

Fast forward many years, after college, after a mission and after having a hard time getting pregnant, and then carrying twins for 34 weeks.  Imagine 15 days of the NICU, before we finally had our family home together, and 2 months of sleepless days and nights because the babies needed to be fed at least every 3 hours to help them gain weight. (And I was pumping on a regular basis too!)  My sister who was in college came over for a visit, looked around at my load of laundry on the couch, dishes in the sink and a floor that needed vacuuming, and responded, "Wow!  Your house is a disaster!"  (Well I did just have 2 babies!  What do you expect?!)

That was one of my first "imperfect mom" moments.

I remember the first time I yelled at my twins.  I felt like I was horrible horrible mother.  They were probably about 1 1/2 - 2, and honestly looking back, it's amazing I made it that long, especially with so little sleep!

We did finally get into a routine, and yes I was able to get my house clean and keep it clean.  I was a pretty average first time mom.  I enjoyed all the firsts, I scrapbooked, we went to the park and the zoo, and they were my whole life.

Unfortunately that did not last.  Let me give you an idea of how this morning went.  I had to be out of the house shortly after all of my kids left for school.  So I foolishly put off taking a shower until everyone was up.  For some reason, I still think that a shower should be a relaxing 15 minutes by myself.  During my "15 minutes of relaxation" I had every single one of my kids come in asking for something.  Now, you should know, my husband had not left for work and was in the kitchen enjoying a quiet breakfast by himself.  Of course he was by himself, everyone was in the bathroom with me asking, "Where's my other shoe?"  "Where is my shirt?" "Can I use your bathroom?" (We do have three bathrooms, he just wanted to use the one I happened to be in.) Then I was asked, by my 3 year-old, "I pooped, can you wipe my bum?"  No I can't wipe your bum!  I'm in the shower.  Then when my 7-year old popped in, before he could ask anything, I promptly told him to go get his dad to wipe the poopy bum.  My husband came in, wiped the bum, and asked, "Why don't you just lock the door?"  Why didn't I think of that?  Oh wait, because when I do lock the door, there is pounding, "Mom are you in there?  How come the door is locked?"

That's a pretty average morning for me.  Sometimes it's crazier and sometimes I actually get a few minutes to myself.  Even as I sit and type this up, I'm being asked "Mom where is my belt?"

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just enduring motherhood, or if I'm actually enjoying it.  What happened to those blissful ideals of playing games, making treats and just having fun with my children?

I'll proudly admit I had one of those "ideal" moments this morning (yes it was before my shower). My sweet little daughter, who is always the first child awake, came in to the living room, as I was reading my scriptures, before 7 and just sat and cuddled with me.  Once I was finished, we went in the boys room, which for once, they were awake and talking in their beds, instead of me, coming in about 10 times, and repeating, "Boys, it's time to wake up...Boys I'm bringing in the spray bottle next time I come in your room.."  Then we all, just sat and cuddled and talked.  Yes we were behind today, but I still wouldn't trade it for anything.

It's moments like this that I cherish.  It's moments like this when I feel like I did as a little girl, that motherhood really is the only thing I want to do.  I may not have 6 little babies at home, but I am happy with my 3, and grateful I have the opportunity to be their mother, to spend time with them each day, to be able to be the person they run to for anything from a missing shoe, to a splinter in a foot, to a rough day at school.

One day I was having a hard getting my son to do his homework.  Finally I stopped, had him stand in front of me, and looked into his sweet innocent face.  I asked, "Sweetheart, how was school?  Did something happen today?"  My sweet little guy just started crying and said, "No one would play with me at recess."  I would have completely missed that if I had been too busy, and kept pushing him to do homework.  What would have been the end result?  We probably would have continued to struggle through homework, and he probably wouldn't have told me about the problems at school.  Instead, I had the chance to hold my son tight, wipe away his tears, and try and console him.  I told him how much I loved him, and how much he meant to me.

We live in a world of crazy! We run around from this activity to that activity.  We are part of this club and that organization.  We are involved in our churches, the PTA, family activities and personal hobbies.  Sometimes we forget to take just a few minutes to really listen to our children.  And to be quite honest, it usually only takes a few minutes.

I would perhaps challenge you, take a few minutes and revel in the fact that you are a mother.  Revel in the fact that your children most likely come to you rather than anyone else to tell you their good news, the sorrows, and to ask questions.  WE ARE SO LUCKY!  We have the greatest opportunity to shape the life of someone.  We have the greatest opportunity to have these beautiful little people to look at us as if we are the greatest celebrity in the world.  I love that when I leave to go somewhere, my children all have to give me a hug and a kiss and say goodbye.  Where would I be without them?

Patience

With the holiday weekend, I have been a bit preoccupied.  Perfect isn't it?  My whole goal is to spend more time with my family, and I have just spent four days with them?  I think so.  Just to a note, we had a really great holiday.  I was able to focus more on my little family and have a really good time with them than I have in a while.

Today in Relief Society, that is the meeting the women in our church attend, a lesson was given on patience.  One woman made a comment that one area in life we learn patience is with our children.  What a true statement!  I have never had to practice more patience than with my own family!

As a stay-at-home mom sometimes my day is somewhat monotonous, and it is really easy for me to lose my temper when my little children do not obey the 6th or 7th times I have asked them to do something, usually something like pick up their rooms or the play room.  Is it really too much to ask to for a clean house?

I was reminded of a better perspective last night.  My sister-in-law was visiting and was telling us about helping out my other sister-in-law.  She said instead of yelling at the kids to do what you wanted, to get their attention and then tell them what you wanted.  That's what she had done all week as she watched my nephews.

My visiting sister-in-law is no longer "in the trenches."  Her daughter is 17.  However she was right.  Instead of yelling at my kids over and over which seems easier to do, sometimes we just need to take the time, to get down on our kids' levels, make eye contact with them, and tell them, without yelling.

So I tried this today, and guess what!?  It worked!  How had I forgotten this?  I still had to ask a couple of times, but not 6 or 7!  Isn't it easier to take the time to ask the right way, possible once or twice, instead of yelling 6 or 7 times and going hoarse in the process?

Another thing I learned this weekend that really had nothing to do with patience but reminded me of how precious my children are was an experience we had on Friday.  My husband had gone over to some friends' of ours to work on our boat, because their son was helping him out.  I had taken our kids over for a little while, and when it was time to go, we couldn't find one of our 6 year olds.  We looked everywhere on our friends' property.  They looked in the house, and I started driving down the street wondering if he had started walking home.

Then we found him.  My husband was mad for making us look for him, but I was relieved!  I didn't know where he was or what had happened to him.  I was so grateful we had found him.  I didn't care that he was hiding because he wanted to stay!  I was just so grateful that he was safe!  That is what love is.  That is what patience is.

The Women of God

There are so many good articles at the reach of my fingertips, I could literally spend hours and hours reading one article to another, and never even make a dent in all that is out there.  I could read tips on potty training, tips on how to teach my children to clean their rooms, or how to read, how to stop yelling or to stop the fighting in my home.  This list just goes on and on.

However, I am consistently pulled back to talks from leaders of my church.  Today's talk was from Elder Neal A. Maxwell, and was given in 1978!  I know this was before I was born!  Before my parents were even married!  So why would this talk be pertinent to me today?  Well, this quote should tell it all:

"When the real history of mankind is fully disclosed, will it feature the echoes of gunfire or the shaping sound of lullabies?  The great armistices made by military men or the peacemaking of women in homes and in neighborhoods?  Will what happened in cradles and kitchens proved to be more controlling that what happened in congresses?  When the surf of the centuries has made the great pyramids so much sand, the everlasting family will still be standing, because it is a celestial institution, formed outside telestial time.  The women of God know this."

Like many women, I quit my job when my children were born, to stay home and raise them.  I have not regretted this decision once.  Does that mean my days have all been blissful, happy days filled with lullabies, and precious moments?  Absolutely not!  I have had my share of days where I was ready for a "do-over" by noon.

But I've also had those days when we get to snuggle and read stories, or watch a movie.  Days when we make cookies or go for hikes.  Days when they ask questions, or tell me stories.

A friend of mine was recently sharing her frustrations with her teenage son.  She went on for a few minutes and then she said, "But then, he melted my heart when he...." And that is what it is.  Those little turkeys can drive us to our wits end, but then they will say or do one little thing, and melt our heart, and we are reminded why we wake up every morning excited to spend our days with our little people again and again.

"Because She Is a Mother"

One of my all time favorite talks from General Conference (a great big huge gathering of our church in which the leaders of our church speak to the world) is a talk given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Because She Is a Mother".  This is my talk/article I chose to focus on today.

Elder Holland begins his talk with some lines from Victor Hugo, and I too am going to quote them:

"She broke the bread into two fragments and gave them to her children, who ate with eagerness.  'She hath kept none for herself,' grumbled the sergeant.

"'Because she is not hungry,' said a soldier.

'"No,' said the sergeant, 'because she is a mother.'"

This is how I am feeling today.  Not hungry because I do not have any food to eat.  Quite the opposite, actually.  We've just had dinner, and my little chilies are all in bed.  I can hear the boys still playing, even though I wish they were trying to quietly sleep.

No, I feel this way today, because I tried to give them everything I could, and tonight I feel that there is nothing left.  And this is only Day One of my challenge!

Something to remember, Elder Holland shares a quote from a letter from a sister, to whom I will forever be grateful.  She writes to Elder Holland regarding "the one thing that keeps her going": "Through the thick and the thin of this, and through the occasional tears of it all, I know deep down inside I am doing God's work.  I know that in my motherhood I am in an eternal partnership with Him.  I am deeply moved that God finds His ultimate purpose and meaning in being a parent even if some of His children make Him weep."

Today, even though I have nothing left to give, I was doing God's work.  That's what I need to remember.  That's what each of us need to remember.  As we sit down at the end of the day, hopefully to a quiet house (although that seems to rarely happen) and look at the dinner dishes on the table, and the laundry sitting on the couch waiting to the folded, we remember what we spent our time doing.

Do I want my children to remember me doing the dishes all the time? Or folding the laundry as they run around me?  Do I want them to remember me barking at them to get homework done or to practice the piano (although these are probably ones they will remember for sure)?

No!  I really want them to remember us hiking together.  I want them to remember us swimming in the summer at the pool.  I want them to remember us visiting the zoo, or the farm.  Playing at the park, or playing a game on a rainy afternoon.  I want them to remember us reading stories together, and reading the scriptures together.

In closing tonight, I just want to end with something Elder Holland says, "If you will show others, including your children, the same caring, compassionate, forgiving heart you want heaven to show you; if you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do."

The Family Project

In the last few weeks, I have thought a great deal about type of wife and mother I want to be.  It could be that we are at a "phase change" or that school just ended for the summer (well a few weeks ago), or even maybe the current news events.  Whatever the reasons, I have come to the conclusion that I want/need to be a better mother.

A few months ago, for the book club I am in, we read, The Happiness Prjoject, by Gretchen Rubin.  Now I have a confession to make, I haven't actually finished the book, but I loved it, and wanted to begin my own "Happiness Project" the minute I picked the book up.  Gretchen Rubin spent a lot of time doing research before she even began her "Happiness Project" and I'll admit I will lose interest if I put it off that long (let's be honest, I did lose interest, we read this book, back in January, but my interest is back, so I'll grab hold of it!)

I've also been reading a bunch of different articles I've found on Pinterest (of course!) that have given me a bunch of tips on being a better parent.  I came across one article, 30 for 30 Challenge about playing with your kids for 30 minutes a day for 30 days (had a been smart enough I would have tried it for the month of June, but I guess I'll have to try 31 for 31).  

Long story short, (I'm not much of a blogger), I've decided I'm only going to try a couple new things this month to improve on.  

First in the area of becoming a better wife.  I don't know about you, but I think I must be married to the world's greatest man.  He's loving, and caring, and always puts me first.  What's more, he rarely if ever tells me what to do or how to do it.  He's my biggest cheerleader, and unfortunately, he's usually last to get my attention.  So to become a better wife this month, my goal is spend time each day just listening to him.  He doesn't require much in that department, but he does need a listening ear, even if means, I follow him around his garage for 15 minutes as he works on a car, and he tells me what he's doing.  Some times that's all he needs.  He just wants to know that I care about what he's doing.

Second, in the area of becoming a better mom.  I'm going to try the 31 for 31 Challenge.  I'm going to play with my kids for 31 minutes a day for 31 days.  Some days it may be that we read for 31 minutes, but hopefully not every day, because we need play time too (since we already read most days anyway).  Hopefully this will add more fun to our home and my kids will see that I'm not always trying to boss them around.

Third, I am going to read an article or a talk on parenting every day.  This might be a talk from a general authority (a leader of my church) to remind me that I'm doing God's work, and I'm doing the best I can after a rough day, or it might be an article about 20 dates I can take my boys on.  Either way, I'm going to improve this month.  

I'm also going to keep a record.  That's where you lovely people come in, or maybe it's just me who will be rereading these posts some day.  Either way, it's a way I'll be accountable.  And at the end of the month, even if I'm the only one who has read these posts, and changed for the better, then good for me!

I know it may not seem like I'm doing much, but for me, I have to start with little steps.  My family is what is most important to me.  So if these little things improve our relationship, then I'm willing to do them. (WOW!  That was long!)